Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
