i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm eating all of the evidence.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
