i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
