i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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