if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
