Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
