oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
