Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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