Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
