No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
