Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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