I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
