I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
