put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
