So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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