Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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