let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
