During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
