guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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