I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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