I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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