what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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