Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
