Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
