I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is my gift to your gina
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
