Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
