could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
