it hurts more in the daytime
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
