But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
