This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
