i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
