are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
