I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
