i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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