I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
