i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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