I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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