those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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