walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
