one two three fourrrrnication!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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