I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
