If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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