No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just pee around me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
