I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
