you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
