btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
