Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
