is your mom at the bar?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
