every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
