Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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