she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
