im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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