Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm always down for nudity.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
