I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
