Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
