Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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